Thursday, January 06, 2011

Real Love and Real Happiness is Perhaps More Abstract

The last few days have been very tough both emotionally physically. On 31 December 2010 night, my wife suddenly became sick and I was awake with her whole night. In the last 5-6 nights, I did not have enough sleep. So, naturally, I am physically exhausted. Emotionally, it is even more painful because she has to go to her parents’ home another country just within a day or two. She just came back 3 months ago after a long absence of 15 months.
It was heart breaking for me to see her cry tonight as she was extremely depressed that she was forced to leave me again for another long spell. I took her clinic, two doctors and two diagnostic centers in the last two months and each time the result was good. I mean that the doctors could not find any problem with her. Most probably, she is from another country (we met each other in Internet) and her health is some weak to tolerate the environment of my country.
I really cannot think of any other moment of my life that is sadder than this evening. It gave me a lot of pain and my heart is very heavy at this moment. I just gave this consolation that at least; I have such a good wife who is crying from missing me. In real life, most of the couples I have seen around me are nowhere near us. Many couples just quarrel from nonsense and very silly things. It is not that we did not have problems in our marriage. However, most of the time, we could solve them because we never stopped loving each other deeply. We could never imagine finishing the marriage even. God is really kind with both of us in this regard.
I fell in love with my wife 8 and half years ago and for the first 3 and half years, we used to chat with each other in Internet. Then I could come to her country and for 5 years, we are together in real life.  
Earlier tonight, I tried my best to control myself that I do not cry. Still, I am deeply crying inside my heart but as I said, I am happy too that God gave me this kind couple life in which, we could really touch and feel abstract love. At last, we have both realized that our love is not dependent on looks, charm, physical pleasure, diamond necklace or ring, beautiful dresses or any other thing. Our love is dependent on love alone.
With all the pain, I at last touched that we two have become like Jim and Della of The Gift of the Magi. Tonight, I again touched the word of Buddha that happiness does not come from comfort and luxury but happiness comes from fighting and conquering over sorrow. Yes, we have a lot of pain and sorrow in our couple life but we are trying our best to leave them aside and just love and support each other.
I am hopeful that her health will become better in the next one or two years. Even if it takes another 10 years, it is no problem at all. I am hopeful only because my health has improved significantly recently after a long spell of suffering. We both had to try too much for this marriage as we hardly got any support from anyone.

1 comment:

  1. Razib, I'm so, so, so sorry to read about your wife :-( I read your post in bed last night on my phone but it doesn't let me comment from there, and I lay there for ages feeling very sad for you. I hope that she can become better very soon. Would you ever be able to go and live in her country with her? Thinking of you and your wife x