Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Back to Almost life as Usual

The last 24 hours have been very busy for me as I had to some important works. Yes, I am not at my best yet but I am back to work. Naturally, I am very happy for this matter.
Today, when I opened my email box, I found that one of my readers had sent me an email in which he advised me not to continue this style of blogging of talking about personal problems, sadness and frustration. He feels that this won’t do any good to me in the long run. He stated that revealing pain in a public place like Internet will only make me weak instead of strong.
Yes, I agree with him almost 99%. No matter what I say here, in my heart, I know that he is right. I thank him deeply for the email. He felt sympathetic towards me and that is why, he wrote the email. I hate to admit it but he is right.
I gave a serious thought about it and decided to listen to him but then, I decided to read some of the entries of this blog that I had written in the last one year. Just one year ago, my condition was really miserable. I could not sleep whole night and I was under too much stress.
This was me and how I can deny this truth. At that time, I had hardly any hope that I would be normal just after one year. I dreamt for it but the dream looked to me like a fancy fairy tale instead of an achievable goal.
Here I am, after one year and the fairy tale has indeed come true. In the last one year, my life was not a bed of rose. Most of the time, condition was frustrating but I kept on writing here. Even, I repeated the same thing week after week. At times, I lost hope but then I said to myself that I must keep on going and I must not lose hope.
I am not that stupid to actually believe or claim that because I wrote these entries in this blog, my problems got solved and I am now back to normal life. However, this blog helped me in another way. I could remind myself in front of the world that I must keep on going, I must keep on trying and I will not give up on hoping for the best.
The second thing I did was that I started to read some blogs that had similar content. The blog of Kitty is perhaps the best example. Through her blog, I discovered some other blogs that had similar content like this blog of mine. These blogs do not contain some catchy and encouraging sentences or maxims. The bloggers just write about their failures, frustrations, struggles and even helplessness. Reading the entries of these blogs opened my eyes and I started to feel that my own suffering is not unique or rare. It is not even related to living in a third world country like Bangladesh.
I realized that thousands (if not millions) of people around the world, have similar (if not exactly the same) problems like I have. This idea influenced me deeply and then I realized that I must start to value the things I have more. After all, I have a very good couple life. I have a job that I like a lot- writing. Fortunately, my health started to recover at the same time.
This is perhaps the only reason that I am going to continue the way I write in this blog. I really hope that some people in any corner on earth would read the entries of this blog and would discover just like me that life can be very rough sometimes. Hopefully, my entries would give them some food for thought and would inspire them not to lose hope. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi Razib,

    Thanks for mentioning my blog again. I have to say I agree and disagree with your reader. I agree that thinking and talking about the negatives *all* the time is bad and not helpful. But I disagree in that bottling it up is not at all helpful either. If you are like me you probably don't have anywhere else to talk about the bad things apart from in this blog. I do believe that clearing your head via this blog has helped you get better, not directly, but in talking things through, and considering different options, in telling the world you are going to kick your coffee habbit and start exercising again, I believe that this pushed you to do it more, because you knew people were waiting to support you and to hear of your success.

    For me the blog is all about release, clearing my head of the good and the bad to do with the illness so that I can go on living my day to day life thinking about it as little as I possibly can. I hope that makes sense, I'm sure it will to you.

    I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about how you have come through such a hard time, and no doubt you have enjoyed reading about how ill you were last year as you can now truly appreciate how far you have come. Again I think this is a good and healthy thing.