Today, I was thinking about my skills. I felt that I really have no other skill in life. I cannot ride a bicycle, climb a tree or climb mountains. I do not know how to drive a car or a motorcycle. In fact, I really have no skill except just one- writing. Yes, I can write and I love to write. It does not matter if others don’t like my writing but I like it, enjoy it and dream about it. For the last 6 months, I have been suffering from bad health and could not write enough. So, today, I felt very bad and then I realized that I must start again seriously doing this work.
I have to get back the fun I used to have. I don’t need to think of money or getting traffic. I don’t need to think whether my writing is good or not bad. I just need to do it and do it for my personal enjoyment. There was a time when whatever I wrote, with it, I could not earn any money but I liked it a lot. I wrote and then read and then burn or tear the pages. I was foolish to do so but I enjoyed them a lot. This is the thing I have to get back. Unfortunately, these days, my head is more filled with revenue and page views than writing itself. When I write something and it does not catch Google or other search engines then I lose interest and this way, my motivation goes down. In fact, I know how to write for search engines and get traffic and even sometimes my entries get nearly 100 comments but this should not be.
I have discovered that this kind of writing may bring money and it is very much necessary for income (as blogging is my only income source) but getting totally obsessed with it is a very bad thing. It takes away the life spirit, energy and encouragement in life. In fact, more than sickness, this is my main problem at this moment and only today, I discovered it. This blog itself is the best example of what I mean. I studied English literature and I love it but in this blog, I hardly wrote in the last 4 years.
I should have written much more here. I should have regularly written short stories or translated short stories from Bangla Literature to English. However, I did not feel any strong motivation because this kind of writing does not bring revenue. I need to earn money, no doubt about that. Everyone needs to do that and this is the right thing to do in life. On the other hand, there should be fun in writing. The best kind of fun in writing comes through writing a short story or a novel (as I cannot write poems).
I am passing very tough days both physically and emotionally. My productivity is all time low in the last one decade. Unfortunately, two other members of my team are also suffering same problem and they are even less productive than I am. So, it is often frustrating but then, today, I felt that perhaps, this is a good opportunity for me to get back to doing something that I really enjoyed most.
Writing is the only thing I can do and I want to get back to it. I was always good at motivating others and now, I have to motivate myself. I never needed any motivation to write. I enjoyed it and it came to me spontaneously. Now, I have to do it again- write spontaneously.