Just Never Give Up on Life

It is now almost one month that I have given up my habit of drinking tea. At first, nothing changed but now, I can see a good improvement in my sleeping time. I have been also doing exercise regularly these days. So, these two things are now helping me a lot. I can obviously say that my health has improved significantly enough for me to dream of starting working again. My stress has decreased to a great extent and it is very helpful too.

I just finished an interesting article: How to Defeat Kolrami and I agree with Steve Pavlina that in life if you are run after money then there is a good possibility that it will not come. You have to enjoy your work and then success will come. This is a very simple rule in life but most people learn it in a very hard way.

I thought about this matter that why I failed in my career. Five years ago, I became a fulltime professional blogger but after 5 years, I am a failure in this field. Well, the tragedy is that I did not fail because I was not skilled. What went wrong? Many things. Trouble with family, selecting wrong assistants, limitations of a third world country (no Paypal), no online transaction, poor health etc etc. Some of them were beyond my capacity to solve while I could solve others.

Anyway, now, my health is good enough to start working again and this time, I must learn from my past mistakes. 

Back to Normal Life with some Important Lessons

Today is 1 July 2011 and I feel that my health has improved sufficient enough to think that I am not sick or weak anymore. I cannot say that I have recovered fully but in the last 7 days, I could do a lot of exercise and I have started to feel much better. Yesterday, I could cycle for 60 minutes and in the last 10 days, I could cycle for 60 minutes in 3 days. Well, I normally cycle 10 minutes at a stretch but still, I am very happy for the improvement.

Last year this time, my health was too bad. I had some really good opportunities but I could not do anything. In on 1 July 2009, it was real hell for me. My wife got very sick and at the same time, I became sick too. I had to stay two weeks in the clinic with my wife and this made me completely sick. At that time, I was doing treatment of my teeth. So, compared to two years ago or one year ago, on this July 1, I feel much much better.

The only bad thing now is that I am suffering from financial stress. Well, it is not unnatural because for two years, I could not work. My blogs are almost dead and I have to start from the scratch again. However, the problem is that I know that I have to still wait 6 more months to get back my full strength. Now, if I do not put any stress on my health then I feel good. However, in the last 7 days, I had to work whole night for 3 days. I have to change this habit and I must not work after 11 PM from now.

Rest is just as important as Work

Suddenly I got a good project and in the last 48 hours, I hardly had any sleep. In fact, yesterday I worked whole night and then until 12 PM noon. It is needless to say that it made my body weak and tired. I was so tired that last night, I could not sleep well. As a freelance writer, I always welcome these projects because they pay my bills. So, I was not unhappy with this recent project that battered my health. TO be honest with you, I was happy.

Anyway, after completing the project yesterday at 12 PM noon, I felt very bad and then I was worried if I would become sick. I decided to do nothing but just rest. This has done the magic. I did not become sick and today, I feel much better although I am still tired. This has taught me a very valuable lesson- rest is indeed as important as work.

This was my main mistake in the past. I got too much addicted to blogging and I used to work hard every day. Even if I worked whole night then again after waking up from bed, I used to start working with a weak and tired body. So, I got addicted to coffee, Coke and junk food items. Yes, for 3 years, they gave me enough strength but then my health broke down two years ago. I am still trying to recover fully from that and I still could not come back to fulltime work.

One good thing is that I have been able to launch a website on Bangla Literature Translation. It was my dream of many years. We have finished translating a novel from our own language (Bangla/Bengali) and now we are going to upload the chapters in the next few days. Here is the url: http://www.bnlit.com/

Well, the website needs a lot of changes but I am happy that the work has started. 

Bad News but Good News

Today, I gave blood test and I found out that my cholesterol level is bad- very bad. Well, it has been quite a struggle for me to fight against weight loss for the last two years. I have become overweight again. So, this is the bad news. What is the good news? The good news is that for the first time in a very long time, I feel healthy despite being sick. I feel much better although the test result told me that I am not fine.

So, now, I can try to get back health. I have decided to totally try for it and I have just started a 24 hour long water diet. Already, 10 hours have passed and another just 14 hours to go. I could even walk 20 minutes and cycle 40 minutes today. So, it was one hour of exercise even. I feel much better and I am committed to do a real change in my eating habit this time.

Having a good wife (or a husband) is indeed the best blessing in life. I hardly write anything about my wife here simply because I just want to keep my personal life as private as possible. I just want to say that I could overcome all the nightmares in my life because of constant support from her.

In short, the good news is that I have at last started to feel normal and the only thing that I need to change now is my sleeping habit. I still cannot sleep at night. Well, tomorrow will be 14 days that I am not drinking any tea. So, I am hopeful that I would be able to change my sleeping habit within a month. It feels nice to see that stress has decreased substantially.

Now, it is all for trying for weight loss and decreasing cholesterol. Not an easy thing to accomplish but I am hopeful. 

New stage and New Challenge

I wish that I could say, I am completely fine and now, I am back to fulltime work. Well, I am not but I am not sick either. I am really now in the transitional period.

In the past, the main mistake I did repeatedly was that when I felt just some better than I became eager to start working fulltime and then I again became sick. At last, I am acting wisely by not putting any undue pressure on my health. If I have to work hard one day then I make sure that I can have enough rest in the next day. As a result, I am getting better day by day. Because I am getting better, I can do my works easier and faster.

Sometimes I wish that my life was normal like most people around me but then it would have been boring. I am eagerly waiting for the next adventure. Yes, I am leading a small team to do something that was always my dream. We hope to get it done in the next two weeks. This dream project is my next challenge and it is consuming all my time and all my attention. 

Life goes On

It has been 5 long weeks that I have not written anything in this blog. Life has been eventful and many things have changed. Fortunately, good things happened at last for a change and my health has started to improve. Almost every day, I feel that I am getting back to my normal health and most probably within a week or two, I will really be able to get back to normal career. It is a long and perhaps cruel struggle for existence but I am very happy to have experienced it.

So, what next? Perhaps, the more important question is, what now? Now, for the time being, I am still not back to my normal condition. I still need to wait but now waiting has become sweet. I can now rest in a good mood. For many years, this kind of normal condition was absent. Stress became my constant companion for year after year. Stress brings bad feeling and it does not allow you to move in life.

The worst thing happens is that you lose vitality in your heart and you stop believing in your abilities. What can be worse than this in life? Last year, this time, I was sick and the only thing that I can remember is that I had some great opportunities to write but I was simply too sick to do so. Now, I have to create some opportunities by working hard. It is not very difficult if I can work hard.

The reason that I like the suffering of last two years is that it has taught me any valuable lessons. More than anything, it has made me emotionally stronger. It has made me wiser and more than anything else, it has made me happier. So, hopefully, I can update the blog once a week from now on a regular basis. 

Small changes can make a Huge Difference in Life

I am now in a do or die position in life. I have to shine in my career and I have to shine in the best possible way. Failure is not indeed an option. So, I have to try my best. For this, I need maximum effort. Only then I can think of becoming successful. This is not easy at all because I am not young anymore and I do not have the energy. Still, as I just said, failure is not an option.

So, I have to think of increasing the level of my efforts. I do not see any big problem but what I need is to make some small changes in my daily life. The goal of these changes will be to increase the time of my daily work. I do not have any shortage of skill and I know how to earn money. I just need to make a comeback to fulltime regular work. I need to forget everything and just focus on my work. I know from my experience that money will come automatically.

May be it is repeating the same thing all the time but this is now my only problem. I must just start working fulltime. This is my only way out in life. 

Back to normal life Back to normal Work

At long last, I feel very happy that my health has improved enough and I can go back to normal work. It has been nearly two years of absence from normal life and normal work. Fortunately, my mental stress has finished significantly too. So, I really can start fresh.

I do not have any grand scheme or any ambitious plan at this moment. Just working 4-8 hours a day seriously is the only thing I wish to accomplish. If I can do it then it will bring maximum happiness for me. Before I became sick, it was my major problem. I was not satisfied with almost anything. I was pushing myself all the time for more success.

Now, there is no competition with anyone. I will just focus on myself and just carry on my day to day activities. This blog has helped me a lot and I intend to continue writing here whenever I can. I like to thank all of you for all the support. 

A New Beginning with New Hope

Life can sometimes become painful and frustrating. My main problem in life is that I am in a country where PayPal has not come yet. I am hoping that Visa can shine in this field as in my country we have Visa card. So, I have to face limitations in every step. This can be as frustrating as possible. I have all the skills and ideas but my hands are tied. On the other hand, writing is the only thing I like and I can do well. Because of bad health and mental stress of last two years, even I could not blog well.

Now, I have to make a very strong comeback and I am doing so. Yesterday, I could do another thing that I felt that it was indeed a miracle for me from God. I could cycle for one hour. It is not a real bi-cycle but an exercise device and I burnt nearly 400 calories. This simple thing has now given me a lot of hope.

For at least 6-7 years, I felt very lazy about doing exercise. I tried to get my energy through coffee and Coke. I also consumed a lot of junk food. Now, it is almost 19 days that I have become a vegetarian. It is another miracle for me given by the fact that I was too much fond of junk food items. The best part is that I do not feel any craving for meat now.

Yes, I have started to feel young again and I have started to regain my energy. So, it is the time for me to start writing fulltime again. I am very lucky to have a dedicated and supportive wife. 

It was great to Write in this Blog

It is like a farewell post for me here. I am not going to totally stop writing here but I know that I will be totally irregular. I have to start from the beginning in online writing and there is no time for hobby writing unfortunately. So, I have to start again writing for money and sadly, I have to try my best now. I have to give all my efforts elsewhere.

I never took this blog seriously but still, it attracted a decent number of followers and Feedburner subscribers. I like to thank all of you for supporting me. It is a sad and painful decision but there is no other choice. I have to give all my heart for earning money through blogging. This blog is not suitable to earn any money. 

Hope can recover you powerfully

Today, I woke up at 6:30 AM in morning. For the last 3 days, I have been able to wake up early in the morning. For the last few years, it was my biggest problem as I could not sleep until 5 or 6 AM in the morning. Then, I had to wake up and I had to take tea and coffee a lot just to stay some fresh.

I had hope and dream and now, I realize the value of hope and dream more than ever before. Now, the next thing to fix is earning money through blogging. At the same time, I have to decrease weight. I am now under low calorie diet and mainly, I am trying to become a vegetarian. It is impossible to get out of overweight unless I commit to a permanent change in my eating habit.

This is the thing I am trying to do now. I could never imagine that someday I would be able to totally omit fish and meat. It is true that my heart craves a lot for spicy, frying and oily food items. I think of mutton and large shrimp every day. I think of burgher, sandwich, mutton chop, chicken fry, beef kebab almost every day but for the last two weeks, I could stay away from them. Even I have not eaten a single packet of crisps in the last 15 days.

This is a big revolution for a person like me who was addicted to junk food. I never gave up my hope of becoming a vegetarian.

In the last 20 months, I could decrease weight on several occasions but then again my weight again increased because I never tried to become a strict vegetarian. Now, I am trying my best for it. 

A Silent Revolution in Changing Sleeping Time

Now, it is 6 AM in the morning. No, I did not stay awake whole night. Instead, I could sleep at 9:30 PM at night and woke up 5 AM in morning. It happened yesterday too. I have to wait another few days to realize whether this change in time is permanent or not but I am very happy for it.

Even last week, it seemed to be impossible to me. Perhaps, becoming a vegetarian has helped a lot. For the last 3 days, I could even omit egg. Of course, I am overweight and now, the main priority is to decrease weight. I need to decrease at least 15 KG (33 lbs.). For the last 3 years, I have been trying to decrease weight. Sometimes I can do so and then again come back to the original weight. This time, I am hopeful because at last, I have been able to become a vegetarian. Of course, I have to decrease use of oil.

Becoming a vegetarian is good from financial side too. My expense has decreased significantly as vegetable items are much cheaper than meat or fish.

As for the sleeping habit, I must not go back to what I did in the last 5 years. Well, life was full of stress and I became nervous and sought comfort in coffee and Coke. Tea is much better. In the last two days, I even drunk tea but did not face any problem. 

Happy Birthday: The Second Chapter in Life

Today is my birthday and I am happy for it. I am an Aries and I guess that I have many of the positive and negative sides related to this sun sign. Five years ago on this day (22 March 2006), I started professional blogging or blogging for earning money. I cannot believe that 5 years have passed. It really seems like yesterday. Now, after 5 years, here I am again.

I have to start almost from the scratch. However, I am not sad or unhappy. I am starting my efforts with a happy heart. My health has improved significantly. I can touch it easily. I am hopeful that things become bright for me. 

How to really learn from Failures and Bounce Back?

I cannot claim that I have bounced back from my failure but I surely know that I have learnt some valuable lessons. I am hopeful that these lessons will help me to effectively bounce back in life in the next few months. Now, it is important to find a good strategy to bounce back. In other words, the mistakes of the past must not be repeated. If you are trying to bounce back in life after a miserable failure in anything (job, love and marriage, health, education etc.) then read this post and try to join me in the discussion in the comment section.

Slow and Steady: Whatever you do, please, do not be in a hurry unless you are in such a desperate condition that if you cannot bounce back in a short time then you will become bankrupt and end up in the street. I have seen that many people do this mistake. Why should I blame others? I am just one of them. When you are in a hurry then either you make more mistakes or you become frustrated when you do not see good result at a short time.

Do your Homework Properly: No one dreams to be a loser in life. Why did you fail in the first place? If you repeat the same things like past then again you will fail- isn’t it obvious? So, do your homework and try to analyze your mistakes. Do not deceive yourself about it. If you do so then you will again end up in failing. On the other hand, if you can learn from your mistakes then there is every possibility that you can bounce back to success in life.

Health is wealth: When we are young, we tend to think that we will always be strong and healthy. Actually, health does not get destroyed in a week or even in a month. It slowly gets destroyed and then getting it back takes a lot of time and real determination. Whatever plan you have, in order to execute it, you need good health. In fact, this is now my main problem. I have all the knowledge, information and skill to become successful in professional blogging. I just still cannot work fulltime or 8 hours a day. Five years ago, when I started blogging, I could work 12-16 hours a day.

Do not bother about Others: Most people love to give advice. Especially, when you are failing in life or your condition is really miserable, then some people around you may consider it their holy duty to give all kind of advice to you. Secondly, some people would enjoy your bad condition and would try to offend you emotionally. While you cannot control others, you surely get try to control yourself about not getting emotionally hurt. From my own experience, I can say that it is not that easy. However, you must have the dream that someday, others wont be able to hurt you emotionally. This dream is valuable. When you can isolate yourself from other people, it becomes easier for you to focus on rebuilding your life again. I wish that I had this knowledge five years ago. Still, it is never too late.

Be patient: Although I have already stated above the importance of being slow and steady, I like to again emphasize that you must never hurry while trying to bounce back in life after a bad failure. You have to be patient and if you are not then you cannot hope to bounce back.

I have just gives you a few simple tips here. I seek your help to continue the discussion. What more tips can you give? 

Professional Blogging: The Second Innings

I am happy to be back to fulltime blogging again. Because of sickness, I could not work for nearly 2 years but now, I feel much better. The last two years have taught me some valuable lessons. The most important lesson that I have learnt is that I must not make myself sick from too much work. There is no problem in working hard but I must not get too much excited and carried away and make myself sick.

I love blogging and I love when hundreds of people read my entries. I love when people praise me and thank me for my entries. So, here, I am back again in the second innings of professional blogging. I hope to enjoy it and become successful within a short time. 

I am better, Much better

At last, I have started to feel normal. I am not still 100% fit but I really feel well compared to anytime in the last 2 years. I am hopeful for the future. Now, the only problem is that I cannot sleep whole night. I am hopeful of solving it within a few days.

I also need to decrease my weight as it is now 101 KG. For the last 10 days, I am just eating vegetables and that is why, I feel even better. I always dreamt to be a vegetarian but I was too much fond of mutton. Now, the only touch of non-vegetarian food I get is eggs. Even I am determined to stop eating eggs.

No, I am not becoming a strict vegetarian. From time to time, I intend to eat and fish. 

One week of Not Drinking Tea

It is the 7^th day that I did not drink tea. At last, I have really started to fell normal in my body and mind. Compared to one year ago, things have really improved a lot for me. I feel that I have no problem. I just need to change my sleeping habit and come back to normal life.

For the last 7 days, I got good rest. I did not need to go out at all and I could sleep properly. I just hope that I can maintain this style and get back normal health. When I look back to my past, I feel that life was often very cruel and miserable to me. On the other hand, I neglected myself a lot too. Now, life is much easier for me. So, I have to focus on taking care of myself properly.

I am trying to make a small company successful. Now, I have realized that it is not that easy as I have to manage some other people. Sometimes, it becomes frustrating because I have to be engrossed with dealing problems related to the company and I cannot focus on my health or my work properly. On the other hand, having good assistants is a great blessing too. If they work properly then life becomes easy for me. Thus, it is like a dilemma.

I am trying to come out of the dilemma and find a good balance between managing the company and my own personal life. It is not easy because in the company, I have to deal with human beings not with machines.

It is a small victory for me that I have not taken tea for one week. I did another good thing too. I ate like a vegetarian for the last one week. This is a big victory because I am too much fond of goat meat.

For the last few days, because of not drinking tea at all, I felt some abnormal. My mood changed a lot from time to time. Today, I feel much better.  

Why am I Fond of Blogging?

I am happy that at last I have found something to write about other than repeating about my health and mind. Just for the record, today is the fifth day that I have not drunk any tea and I feel some tired but fresh. It will be another night of not sleeping but I am hopeful that within one week I can sleep at night. Anyway, the original topic of this entry is why I like blogging.

I like blogging because first of all, I like writing. I always wanted to be a journalist or a writer. I tried some other jobs mainly teaching but I did not get that much satisfaction. Yes, I still enjoy teaching but I do not like going to a university or school and teach. Instead one or two students come to my home and I teach them privately. It is perhaps more tutoring than teaching. Anyway, blogging has brought the freedom for me to write.  

I used to be a freelance journalist and I have published more than five hundred writings in newspapers and some magazines. I have translated a book and I have written many things for other people. Ninety percent of the time I used to write for money but living in a third world country, the money from writing was never enough. So, blogging has brought me the freedom that on the one hand, I can write fulltime with all the satisfaction. On the other hand, I do not need to worry about money.

Many people tend to neglect or look down upon blogging. They think that it is less prestigious than freelance writing. In other words, a freelance writing carries more prestige and honor compared to blogging. Somehow, I agree with them but at the same time I like to remind them that even in freelance writing or writing, if your writing is not good and is not appreciated by other people then it dose not have any respect or value. Many people try their luck in writing but only a handful of them become successful in this field. The same goes for blogging.    

Many people or I should say millions of people have tried their luck in blogging in last five or six years. Very few of them could earn enough money and became famous. So, from this point of view, I do not see any major difference between freelance writing and blogging. Yes, freelance writing has one advantage. Most of the time, your writing is supervised by editors. In blogging, there is no editing in most of the cases. Still, as I have said if you are successful in blogging then it matters.

So, another good side of blogging is its potential to change life. For example, I live in one of the poorest countries on earth. We hardly have any modern facility. Communicating with people of other countries was always a major barrier for me. On the other hand, since I joined blogging, things have become much better. I can communicate with people of other countries. I have received some praise for my blogging too. Many people read my entries. Before coming to blogging, my hands were really limited but now in every way, I feel that I have more opportunities.

So, now you know why I am fond of blogging.  

Another Sleepless Night but without any Stress

I have understood that I will not sleep again tonight. It is 2 AM but I feel fresh. Today was the 4^th day that I did not drink any tea. I am hopeful that within a week I can change my sleeping habit. It will be great if I can sleep within 1 AM or 2 AM at night.

The main problem now is that at day time others call me and I have to wake up. It totally puts a lot of stress on my health and mind and I cannot work well. Perhaps this is the main reason that I cannot come back to normal work. On the other hand, if I can sleep normally at night then I can work with a fresh mood in day time.

Tonight, I feel much better and I am hopeful that I can do some work. I am almost back to normal life and it gives me a lot of happiness. I know it very well that in my entries of last one year in this blog, I am just talking about the same things over and again. Sometimes, I even get bored but I realize that doing this nonsense thing has helped me a lot.

This blog has now 60 followers. I am deeply grateful to all of you. It is nice to know that some readers read my nonsense entries. While browsing throw some of the blogs of the followers of this blog, I realized that I should mention some of the entries:

Another lesson (Stephanie has talked about the importance of being patient)

The Internet: The Best Friend of Writer's Block? (The title says it all)

A Day in the Life of India (A touching real life story)

Stop Choking on Routine and Live Your Dream! (Read it and you will feel inspired)

Fighting against Addiction to Tea

I am perhaps among the rare people who find it difficult to sleep at night because of drinking tea. I have inherited it from my mother. Anyway, it all started 5 years ago when I fell into a bad condition in my career and I had to try desperately to get some work that would bring some money. I was unemployed for 3 months and I gave everything of me during that time. I used to work until 8 AM in morning and then sleep. Then, I developed habit of coffee and coke.

Fortunately, I could give up coffee nearly 18 months ago and Coke nearly 6 months ago. Now, the last thing I need to give up is tea. For the last 3 days, I have not drunk at all. My health has improved a lot and if I can just now change the sleeping habit then I think that I can come back to normal fulltime work. I have learnt my lesson and I will from now try my best to keep my mental peace.

So, for the time being, the only focus is on getting out of drinking tea. 

Planning is the most important step for Success

I woke up one hour ago. Today, I have no special work and I have all the hours ahead of me to write or blog. So, I can easily work for 8 hours now without any interruption. In fact, my stress has almost finished and at last, I can start working fulltime without any real pressure.

Now, the main problem in front of me is that what I should do in the next few hours. I know that I should write some entries but what would be the topic. It is a very simple question but I have seen many people facing problem from this simple matter. This simple matter wastes a lot of time in our daily life. It is a common problem everywhere.

Of course, if you are in a job then you already know what you should do. At the beginning of your job, your boss or your manager normally tells you what to do. After you have become experienced, you already know what you have to do. On the other hand, I am a self-employed person. I run a small company. So, I have to decide what has to be done everyday. I have to decide for myself and for others working with me. So, planning is indeed a crucial thing.  

Until now, I never spent a lot of time on planning. Because of this reason, I have suffered many setbacks in the last few years. I have been able to stop watching TV and I have been able to cut back on the time of browsing Internet without a purpose. So, I have more free time now and I must focus on this matter from now.

I am fond of speed but in the last few months, I have realized that if I do not plan what I have to do then I cannot accomplish enough. Planning is not enough and I know it very well. I have to try to execute the plan in daily life. Without that there is no difference between planning and dreaming. On the other hand, you cannot execute your plan successfully every day. In that case, you must not become frustrated. There is no better enemy in life than frustration.

For the last two years, I was so preoccupied with my physical weakness that I could not focus on my mind that much. It is now time to motivate myself so that I can work fulltime. I am still very young and I have at least 30 years of working life. So, losing two years from bad health is not a big deal. 

Just Stress free Regular Working can make all the Difference

I do not exactly come from a poor background but my parents were not wise about money and as a result, I had to suffer most of the time in my life under too much stress over very simple matters. Today, I discovered that for the first time in my life, I have almost not stress. Now, the only thing I need is to work fulltime regularly. Even my health has improved significantly.

I have years of experience with me. So, I do not have to do anything new. Instead, I just need to increase my productivity. Until now, I was always under a lot of stress and I used to feel that whatever I did was not enough. Now, I know that I do not need to put my health to any danger. So, now, my only focus should be to work fulltime without any stress.

I must not take any project that would put any undue stress on me. Instead, I will just do things that I can do without any stress. I feel very happy that I have realized this matter. Of course, I could come away of the shadow of the past stress and sufferings because of continuous efforts. I just need to continue trying. I am happy that my condition has reached to this level now.

When I look back to the past, I realize that my main problem was undue stress. Because of too much stress and tension, I could never work according to my full potential. I was always an under-achiever only for this problem. 

The Value of an Hour of Focused Effort

While I am trying to come back to normal full time work, the biggest obstacle that I am facing now is working continuously. There are too many distractions and in the end, I get frustrated almost every day as I achieve too little. I have been blogging for 5 years now and it is not a difficult work. It is not something that is totally impossible. Now, my health is almost back to normal level. So, blogging should not be a problem for me anymore. In fact, blogging is now the easiest work for me in the world. I know a lot about it. All I need is just to sit in the desktop or laptop PC and then work.

Still, somehow, I cannot come back to normal work. Last night, I was taking a look at the emails of 5 years ago. I tried my best to get a normal blogging work as I was desperately searching for a work in Internet. Even after I got the job, I had to struggle a lot as I had no idea of bringing visitors to my blog. Even that is not a problem for me now. So, I have to just start with one hour of focused work. Before that I need to find out the distractions.

Television: I would not say that T is the biggest distraction for me but I have noticed that 90% of the time that I watch TV, I watch something really meaningless. I mean that I just watch for watching. It is not that I am fond of the program that I am watching. TV is a passive thing and from now, I will try to avoid it as much as possible.

Internet: I am always in Internet- checking email, Sitemeter, Google News, some blogs and newspapers websites etc. This is the source of major distraction for me. I at first found it a lot of fun as I was under too much emotional stress in life. It is like a drug to forget the physical and mental stress. However, now, I am in normal condition. So, I will try to change this bad habit.

People: Fortunately, I do not mix with a lot of people. Still, I must improve in this side. I have to decrease interaction with others and allocate more time for my works.

Frustration: It is perhaps becoming the number one distraction for me. I am finding life somewhat difficult because I was out of full time work for almost two hours. I have to again start almost from the scratch. Believe me it is not easy.

One Work at a Time and One Hour at a Time

In order to come out of this vicious circle the best thing for me to do now is to take one work at a time. I will just start focusing on one hour at a time.

What I realize is that now, I have to start a fight to control my mind. Until now, the fight was to make my health some better. I have been able to come out of bad health. Now, it is time to improve my mental ability. 

Trying to find answers to some Questions in Work

I am back to fulltime blogging almost. I know that I am saying the same thing for many days but fortunately, I am almost back to the level before I became sick and suffered a series of misfortunes. So, I am almost getting back my health.

Now, as I have started working seriously, I have noticed that I lose my way most of the days. That is why, I have realized that I need to find answer to some questions so that I can overcome my problems and focus on my writing.

It is better I try to write down the questions of which I need to find some good answers.

1. How to find out the most important problems?

2. How to focus on my work every day?

3. How to overcome the distractions and just work continuously for an hour?

4. How to ensure that I can sleep at the right time and do not suffer from sleeping problem?

5. What are the things should I do to become successful in blogging?

There are many questions that I need to find answers. Many of us have similar problems and they try to find the answers.

Earlier today, I was thinking of writing about these problems and their solutions in this blog. At first, I thought that I should not write about these things as they often become similar like spam content. After all, there are many websites and blogs about personal development. Then, I felt that it was not a bad idea to write about these problems because I am a person who is dealing with these things every day. So, at least, I can share my experience and my struggles, my successes and failures.

I am not exactly trying to earn anything by writing about these questions and trying to find their answers as they will be mostly written from my personal experience. Even, I cannot claim that I know perfect answers for even one of these questions. I also don’t know if I can really follow my own advice. What I just know is that I will be able to discuss about these questions from real life problems and experience.

Steve Pavlina is perhaps my most favorite person in this regard. I like his website and blog simply because he suffered real problems and then tried to overcome them. So, he wrote most of the content in his website from his own personal experience. Well, to be honest, I do not agree with many of the things he said in his website and blog and I hardly follow any of the strategies he wrote there. I never purchased anything from his website or I am not even encouraging anyone to do so either. I just like his website because it helps me to think about my own life.

So, from 1 March 2011, I am going to think about a particular problem for a day or for two three days continuously. I will try to find solution to the problems and then will try to write about the whole matter. 

Literally in the second phase of my Professional Blogging Career

Last night, I spent several hours checking the condition of our blogs. Now, we update 7 blogs and we are 4 bloggers. In theory, there should be nothing wrong but in reality, I have to start from the scratch as the condition of all the blogs is very bad. So, I am kind of back to the beginning as far as professional blogging is concerned.

It is sad and painful but I cannot blame anyone as I could not work for many months. Anyway, I am happy that Google has decided to act tough against content farms and spammers at last. This is good news for people like us who always focus on good content.

Because of this decision from Google, life should become some easier for me now. Anyway, if I can work hard then generating good amount of traffic wont take more than one month. I have come back to fulltime blogging at last. 

Try to stay calm in Tough Condition in Life

Just a few minutes ago, Bangladesh achieved an inspiring victory against Ireland in ICC World Cup Cricket 2011. Naturally, I am very happy that my country won the match. Cricket is the most popular sports in this country.

The win of today was inspiring and amazing because Bangladesh batted first and scored just 205 runs from their allotted 50 overs. Very few people could think that Bangladesh would be able to defend this small score. The bowlers tried their best and in the end, Ireland fell short of 27 runs.

This victory brought a lot of inspiration in my heart because my condition is more or less like our cricket team these days. I am trying to make a comeback to my career of professional blogging. Right now, I am the underdog and things are not working well. That is why, this cricket match brought a lot of hope in me. Bangladesh players could make a very strong and dramatic turnaround because they worked hard.

So, in a happy heart, I am going to stay calm and work hard. I am going to be dedicated and serious about blogging from this moment. I am going to try my best. In fact, five years ago, when I started professional blogging, I did not think of anything else but I gave all my heart to become successful. Success did not come right away. It took nearly one year but when the success came, it was resounding. I have to remember that lesson and again try with all my heart. 

At last back to Blogging Again

For the last 4 months, I have been trying to come back to fulltime blogging. I could not do for various reasons but now, I am back to my real profession. I do not need to do anything extraordinary or special- just do the thing I can do best. I am fond of writing and this is the thing I can do best.

My condition is reaching to desperate level but I know that things can change totally within just one month. So, I am very optimistic.

My wife is also trying help me in her own capacity. I was reading this entry of Problogger: I Do: Tips for Co-blogging with Your Spouse

My wife has supported me a lot in the last 5 years. She helped me every way possible- from house work to blogging. She has really been my source of inspiration. I wish that I was a better husband for her. I am now trying my best in this field.

So, I am happy to be back to blogging again. I have been able to finish the other couple of projects in my hand. My assistants are now serious too. So, hopefully things will improve very soon. 

Tomorrow is just a new Day

Today was not bad as I could work with some satisfaction. I am hoping for a better tomorrow as I can realize that I am slowly moving towards going back to full time blogging. At this moment, I am not only blogging but also doing a couple of projects related to freelance writing.

The best thing that has happened now is that the 3 members of my team are working hard. They are serious. So, it is easier for me to guide them towards the completion of a project. Just last week, we finished making a website on sports and we earned some praise for it.

We are not very happy with the website as it did not justify our skill, knowledge and talent. We had to finish it very quickly. For some unknown reasons, Internet attracts me a lot. I enjoy working in this field more than anything else. May be the main reason is that here, I have all the freedom. There is no one to limit my potential.  

Well, in a way, I am almost back to normal work because now a days, I can work most of the time. So, I do not need to feel frustrated. Rather, I must keep on trying and keep on going.

How to Get Back the Confidence: A million Dollar Problem!

While I am back to my normal self in fulltime work, I am still to get back my confidence. The main problem is that because of almost two years of absence from fulltime work, my blogs are now doing very badly indeed. Traffic is at its lowest point. The same goes for revenue too. So, I cannot be in a happy state of mind.

On the other hand, I know very well that if I can focus on blogging then things can become bright within a short period of time. I surely lack the confidence now. As a result, I am unable to work with all my efforts and focus. Thus, I am unable to find my consistency in blogging. This is now the main problem for me.

Perhaps, the best thing to do at this moment is to again start fresh. I am too much tired emotionally. Five year ago, on this day, I started the blog (20 February 2006). At that time, I was in a desperate condition in life. I had no income and there was no hope for the future. I just tried to find something in Internet. Fortunately, within a month, I found a blogging job and then I could earn money.

Again, I have to start from almost zero. So, I am going to try my best to become successful in blogging. This time, I need to do my best. I really cannot afford the luxury of seeking my confidence. I have to do or die just like 5 years ago. 

How to Work hard without Becoming Sick?

I am now better and I am almost back to my best energy level. The bad news is that I have again gained some extra weight and at this moment, trying for weight loss has become a necessity.

The good news is that I have been able to come back to my normal work. In just two weeks, along with my 3 assistants, I could finish a project of writing content for a sports website. It was a tough project but we finished it in a good way. Now, I am not eager to take any new project but I want to focus on our blogs.

I really missed fulltime blogging for quite some time. I started full time professional blogging from March 22 2006. So, it is becoming 5 years. Until March 2009, I could work fulltime. Then, a series of disasters happened and I lost two years. Now, it is the time to start again seriously.

The most important lesson that I have learnt in the last two years is that I must never try to overdo any work. In other words, I must not put any stress on my health and mind. The best way to understand is to work as long as I do not need to drink any coffee or Coke.

If I can follow this simple rule then I can surely work hard without making myself sick. This is now the main challenge and I have work hard on it. It is not difficult but it just needs that I do not get carried away without anything. 

Arsenal has won against Barcelona: I am Happy

The match just finished and in this Champions League 2011 match, Arsenal won by 2-1 at the Emirates Stadium. I am a big fan of Arsene Wenger and it is a happy night for me. At the end of the first half, Barcelona was leading by 1-0.

Until the 77^th minute, Barcelona could hold on to that lead. Then on the 78^th minute, Arsenal got the goal through Robin van Persie. It was a superb strike from zero angel and the Barcelona goalkeeper got stunned. Then in the 83^rd minute, Nasri provided a superb pass and Arshevin scored.  

The second leg will take place after two weeks. This may just be the season of Arsene Wenger. I am also hopeful that this will be my own year too. 

Health First and only Health First

In the last 10 days, I was too busy with a couple of projects and could not take care of my health. As a result, I became sick and it is not fun. I am still not in good condition. The main reason was that I was very excited with a work, I was too much engrossed with the problem of one of my assistants and I needed to use my health and brain both a lot.

This sickness has taught me a very valuable lesson. From now, I will just focus on my health and I will not do anything that would enter any serious pressure.

It has been years of fighting for existence. In a way, I feel that I have won the major battle of my life and I am now in a position to make life better from this point of time.

Until now, all my efforts were centered on just one thing- survive. Month after month, I was worried about just getting enough money to pay the house rent and utility bills. How can I forget the days when I could eat 3 decent meals a day?

Yes, in a decent way, I have achieved a decisive victory. God has supported me all the way. Now, it is the second battle that I need to win. This time, it is not for paying the bills or it is not for eating 3 square meals a day. This battle is for motivating myself to stay healthy and become successful in my career. I like to congratulate myself for being able to come to this stage.

I do not know if any of you have experienced same kind of difficulty in life but from my own experience, I know very well that whatever difficulty you had or still have- the pain is still the same. So, you have all my support. Just do not give up your dream of coming back to normal life. 

Why should you Open a Blog?

When I opened my first blog nearly 6 years ago, the only thing I had in my mind was to earn some money. The goal has not changed yet but this blog has taught me another lesson. These days, I am back to normal lie as my health has improved a lot.

I have written about my condition for the last one year here and now, I feel that if your life is in a miserable condition then you really should open a blog. You do not need to give all the personal details or any kind of sensitive information. Still, you can write about daily life here. 

Life is becoming better at Last

Today, I felt so fresh in my mind that I started to feel my recovery just like real miracle. The reason is that, just a month ago, I was suffering a lot and totally frustrated. Coming back to full time looked like a distant possibility for me. Now, in the last ten days, I had works so hard that today, I had to force myself to take a day off from any kind of work and I just rested.

It is such a great feeling because just a few weeks ago, coming back to full time work was looked an impossible to me. I have written continuously for the last one year about this matter. My health is not up to the mark yet but now I am very hopeful that very soon, it will become fresh. Suddenly, I am full of energy and happiness.

Right now, I am doing a very important project and it is taking a lot of time and attention. I am happy that I can handle this kind of project but I should have not done it this month. I should have waited for another month or two and that is why I have decided not to take any new project for the next few months or few weeks at least. Even one of my assistants has come back to work after nearly four months of absence. So, things are getting better for me and even my health is improving. I just miss my wife a lot and I hope that she will come back after a few months. If I had just my wife beside me right now, I really would not miss anything at all.

This remarkable recovery has taught me many valuable lesions. Positive attitude and hope both are very valuable. I have fought against many problems in the last two years. My health suffered and became very weak. I could not sleep night after night and month after month. I had to be without my wife most of the time in the last two years. My income suffered and at times, there was real tension about money. My career suffered in the worst way. Sometimes, even just living a day became painful. Yes, all these things have happened to me in the last two years but here I am, and I am. All these things are now lost in the past.

Of course, life has its ups and downs and against I will have some problems and sufferings. However, this time, I am hopeful that I will be more mentally prepared and happy and cheerful state of mind. Another important things that has helped me a lot is perhaps the belief in God. Well, I am not a religious person at all. Somehow, I have strong faith in God and I try to pray regularly or irregularly. Thanks God for the recovery.

Back to Almost life as Usual

The last 24 hours have been very busy for me as I had to some important works. Yes, I am not at my best yet but I am back to work. Naturally, I am very happy for this matter.

Today, when I opened my email box, I found that one of my readers had sent me an email in which he advised me not to continue this style of blogging of talking about personal problems, sadness and frustration. He feels that this won’t do any good to me in the long run. He stated that revealing pain in a public place like Internet will only make me weak instead of strong.

Yes, I agree with him almost 99%. No matter what I say here, in my heart, I know that he is right. I thank him deeply for the email. He felt sympathetic towards me and that is why, he wrote the email. I hate to admit it but he is right.

I gave a serious thought about it and decided to listen to him but then, I decided to read some of the entries of this blog that I had written in the last one year. Just one year ago, my condition was really miserable. I could not sleep whole night and I was under too much stress.

This was me and how I can deny this truth. At that time, I had hardly any hope that I would be normal just after one year. I dreamt for it but the dream looked to me like a fancy fairy tale instead of an achievable goal.

Here I am, after one year and the fairy tale has indeed come true. In the last one year, my life was not a bed of rose. Most of the time, condition was frustrating but I kept on writing here. Even, I repeated the same thing week after week. At times, I lost hope but then I said to myself that I must keep on going and I must not lose hope.

I am not that stupid to actually believe or claim that because I wrote these entries in this blog, my problems got solved and I am now back to normal life. However, this blog helped me in another way. I could remind myself in front of the world that I must keep on going, I must keep on trying and I will not give up on hoping for the best.

The second thing I did was that I started to read some blogs that had similar content. The blog of Kitty is perhaps the best example. Through her blog, I discovered some other blogs that had similar content like this blog of mine. These blogs do not contain some catchy and encouraging sentences or maxims. The bloggers just write about their failures, frustrations, struggles and even helplessness. Reading the entries of these blogs opened my eyes and I started to feel that my own suffering is not unique or rare. It is not even related to living in a third world country like Bangladesh.

I realized that thousands (if not millions) of people around the world, have similar (if not exactly the same) problems like I have. This idea influenced me deeply and then I realized that I must start to value the things I have more. After all, I have a very good couple life. I have a job that I like a lot- writing. Fortunately, my health started to recover at the same time.

This is perhaps the only reason that I am going to continue the way I write in this blog. I really hope that some people in any corner on earth would read the entries of this blog and would discover just like me that life can be very rough sometimes. Hopefully, my entries would give them some food for thought and would inspire them not to lose hope. 

Stress is the worst Enemy: Positive Attitude Your Best Friend

This month, I am on course to earn the least amount of money in the last 5 years. The reason is plain and simple. For the last 1 and half year, I could not work regularly. For the last few weeks, I was under a lot of stress from many things and in my agenda; money worry was in number one position.

I tried to stay positive and happy although it was very difficult to run away from tension. After all, I know that my problems were real and they visit me on a regular basis. Still, I tried my best to have a positive attitude. Yes, sometimes, I lost my heart but because of trying to be positive, I could remain happy for most of the days.

Now, I can see the good impact of this effort. First of all, I have been able to come back to full time work. Today, I woke up at 9 AM. I went to a work at PM and came back home at 5 PM. It was an impossible thing for me even just 3 months ago. After coming home, I did a long meeting with one of my assistants about the future of our company as the condition looks bleak at the moment.

We discussed for two hours and in the end, I discovered a very simple thing. The main problem is not lack of opportunities but it was stress that was killing all of us. What stress does best is that it creates a feeling of insecurity. It all the time reminds us that we are in a miserable condition. We must try to get out of the miserable condition as soon as possible. When we go for speed then naturally, the possibility of making mistakes increase drastically.

As a result, we are making many more mistakes in our work than before. So, naturally, we are moving one step forward and then going two steps backward. More than anyone, I was making the largest number of mistakes. I was making the mistakes because I was too much in a hurry and it was stress that was urging me to become even faster.

By discussing with my assistant today, I realized that our condition was not bad at all. If we can work normally then we can again get back to our best condition within 3-4 months. The magic formula is very simple- just work normally every day. 

Hoping that it is not a False Start Again

Things have improved in every front suddenly in the last 4 days. Fortunately, weather has improved a bit and I did not become sick in the end. I have been able to go back to fulltime work and yesterday, I worked almost 12 hours. I had to go to 3 offices and then after coming home, I worked until almost midnight. Today, I am in a relaxed mood and tomorrow, I hope that I won’t have to work that much.

Since I am coming back to normal work, at first, it will be some confusing and difficult. After a few days, things will become normal. I am very happy that at last, my health is supporting me to go out and do some work. For the last two years, going out was a real nightmare for me.

Every month, 3-4 days will be tough but I must not drink coffee or Coke. Secondly, after passing the tough days, I must rest for at least 1 day. In the past, this was my main mistake. I tried to use my will power a lot and then, I was much younger. So, it was not a problem.

I just hope that it is not a false start again. This time, I really can work.

No better Sauce than Hunger Indeed

December 2010 was the worst month for me as far as earning money in last 5 years has been concerned. January has potential to become even worse than December. Well, I am not hungry or even worried for money because fortunately, I have some extra to help me pass through some more rough months. Still, I know that I have to get back to full time work as soon as possible.

Now emotionally, I have no problem to get back to work and I really have no problem to work 12-15 hours a day just like the past. It’s just that my health has not recovered enough to even work 4-5 hours a day. Yes, it is possible to work 10-12 hours by drinking 5-6 cups of coffee but that would only bring back the poison in my health and mind that made me so sick in the first place.

Hunger is indeed the best sauce but I am just happy that I am not hungry at the moment. Instead, I have become fat again and from 1 February, I intend to again try to decrease weight, start doing exercise and work full time.

It has been a very emotionally exhausted journey for me. Now, I am very happy. When I look back to my life, I feel that I lost in everything except in my marriage. God really sent me a miracle in the form of my wife and this victory has really compensated all my failures in life.

With each passing day, I just understand the value of a good couple life more. Tonight, I watched one of my most favorite movies: The Man from Elysian Fields.

I searched a lot for this movie in the last 3 months but could not find it. I wished from my heart to watch it with my wife. Now, I have to wait for some months to watch it with my wife. 

A big day of Working Ahead

Sadly, I just have only 5 hours of sleep last night. My health is fine but what happened is that it is very cold here. I live in a poor country and 99% people do not have room heaters. So, the cold wave has made it very difficult for me to work. For example, at this moment, I feel tempted to go to bed under warm and thick blanket instead of sitting in front of the desktop PC.

 Last night, I planned with two of my assistants that today we would give a push for our blogs. However, just now, I found that one of my assistants could not sleep that much last night because of cold weather. So, most probably, today, we cannot get much work done.

I feel sad now because last one year I could not work due to illness. Now, when my health is much better, I am facing one after another difficulty. Well, this is natural part of life. We have to move ahead in life against all the odds. I know it very well because my whole life has been just one long struggle against all the odds. Life is indeed not a bed of roses.

By the way, last night, I watched the match of West Ham vs Arsenal in television. 

Going back to the Basics for Restarting full Time Work

From today, I am going to give all out efforts to start working full time again. I have been trying for the last two and half months but have not got any success. I am perhaps too much consumed with the idea of improving my quality. This sense of perfection is not bad but it is killing myself at this point of time in my life.

I am going to forget about quality and I am going to start working full time from this moment. I will just think of working and keep on going. I know that if I just try like the past then sooner or later, things will be better and I will be able to produce quality content for my blogs. In the past, I could do it and again I know that I will be able to do it.

So, I am going to just work full time and try for working. I wont care whether my content is good or bad. If needed, I will repeat the same thing over and again. I just need to get back to my work.

This has become a really bad entry but I am not sad for it. Instead I am happy that I could write it and motivate myself to start working again. 

Hoping for a better 2011 after a Bumpy Start

It is the first day of anther long spell of missing my wife. Of course, I am some sad and lonely but I know that it is needed because of our reality. The main thing is that we love each other very deeply and I have seen many couples who are much luckier than us when it comes to being together but they have no happiness. So, in the end, I am not unhappy but surely I miss her a lot.

Today, I have been trying to get back to full time work. I know that it will take some time and most probably it will take a week or two because in the last two weeks, I could hardly do any work. My health is improving that is why I am hopeful that I can get back to full time work this time. I am just trying to focus on resting a lot and making myself fresh. Actually, compared to that the same time of last year (January 2010) my health has improved significantly. I clearly remember that last year this time, I had hardly any strength and my main problem was that I could not sleep at all whole night. Most probably, I was suffering from a bad level of insomnia and I used to sleep whole day. I am deeply grateful to God that my sleeping habit has become normal and now a days, it becomes very difficult for me to stay whole night awake no matter what happens. In the last seven days, I drank a lot of coffee but from today, I have totally stopped it. So, I feel some tired but I know that from next week, I will again feel totally fresh.

Fortunately for me, this time, it is not that cold and this is another reason I feel better. I can tolerate summer hit much easier than winter cold. The funny thing is that most people are just opposite as they find winter more comfortable than summer.

In last summer, fortunately, I could buy an air conditioner and that is why I am not that much worried about the summer hit of this year. My main worry is electricity problem but I have got a laptop which should help me.

2011 is the year for me to work hard and earn some decent amount of money. In a last two years, I could not work that hard and my income suffered a lot. Hopefully, in the next two years, things will become much better and I am happy that recession has finished in the United States. 

Positive Energy can make some difference in Life

Today is a sad day for me as I had to go to the airport to see my wife off. She has gone to her own country to her own parents and I spent the last 4 days with her in a clinic. Fortunately, her health recovered enough and we now know that her health will improve from now on. Yes, I am sad but not depressed.

I have realized the importance of positive energy. I tried to convince myself that this temporary loneliness should be used in a constructive way so that when I am with my wife again, it can help us to have better life. In the last 3 months, I tried to be with her as much as possible but the reality is that at the end of the day, I have to take care of a small business. So, I could not spend enough time with her despite the fact that I saw her after 15 months of absence. Still, I am very happy that I tried my best to make her happy.

So, I want to start working fulltime seriously again from today. My health has recovered enough. Although I suffered a lot of stress both physically and mentally, my health did not break down this time. Instead, I feel that I have the stamina to start working fulltime right away.

Today, I felt that writing in this blog has helped me a lot emotionally. Yes, I feel very lonely but I think that I will be able to deal with the sadness. I am trying to wait for my wife in a happy heart. We have very good relationship now and this happiness is helping me a lot. 

Aniruddha Sen: A New Personal Blog

First of all, Aniruddha Sen is a follower of this blog of mine and I am happy that he has started a blog of his own recently. Before anything, I should give you the address: http://aniruddhasen.wordpress.com/

There are just 3 entries right now and that is why, it is perhaps too early to write a review about the blog. However, if you can spend a few minutes in reading these 3 entries, you might notice two things. First of all, Aniruddha Sen has a nice writing style. He is most of the time talking to himself but on second thought, you may feel that he is actually talking to you (the reader). I like this style.

The second thing that you might feel like me after visiting the blog is that Aniruddha Sen is interested about different topics and I hope that he does not try to limit his blog on any particular topic but write about the things he knows and likes. After all, personal blogs should be like this. 

Real Love and Real Happiness is Perhaps More Abstract

The last few days have been very tough both emotionally physically. On 31 December 2010 night, my wife suddenly became sick and I was awake with her whole night. In the last 5-6 nights, I did not have enough sleep. So, naturally, I am physically exhausted. Emotionally, it is even more painful because she has to go to her parents’ home another country just within a day or two. She just came back 3 months ago after a long absence of 15 months.

It was heart breaking for me to see her cry tonight as she was extremely depressed that she was forced to leave me again for another long spell. I took her clinic, two doctors and two diagnostic centers in the last two months and each time the result was good. I mean that the doctors could not find any problem with her. Most probably, she is from another country (we met each other in Internet) and her health is some weak to tolerate the environment of my country.

I really cannot think of any other moment of my life that is sadder than this evening. It gave me a lot of pain and my heart is very heavy at this moment. I just gave this consolation that at least; I have such a good wife who is crying from missing me. In real life, most of the couples I have seen around me are nowhere near us. Many couples just quarrel from nonsense and very silly things. It is not that we did not have problems in our marriage. However, most of the time, we could solve them because we never stopped loving each other deeply. We could never imagine finishing the marriage even. God is really kind with both of us in this regard.

I fell in love with my wife 8 and half years ago and for the first 3 and half years, we used to chat with each other in Internet. Then I could come to her country and for 5 years, we are together in real life.  

Earlier tonight, I tried my best to control myself that I do not cry. Still, I am deeply crying inside my heart but as I said, I am happy too that God gave me this kind couple life in which, we could really touch and feel abstract love. At last, we have both realized that our love is not dependent on looks, charm, physical pleasure, diamond necklace or ring, beautiful dresses or any other thing. Our love is dependent on love alone.

With all the pain, I at last touched that we two have become like Jim and Della of The Gift of the Magi. Tonight, I again touched the word of Buddha that happiness does not come from comfort and luxury but happiness comes from fighting and conquering over sorrow. Yes, we have a lot of pain and sorrow in our couple life but we are trying our best to leave them aside and just love and support each other.

I am hopeful that her health will become better in the next one or two years. Even if it takes another 10 years, it is no problem at all. I am hopeful only because my health has improved significantly recently after a long spell of suffering. We both had to try too much for this marriage as we hardly got any support from anyone.