A New Beginning on 1 November 2010

It is already 1 November 2010 morning in my city and I woke up 30 minutes ago. I am going to start working fulltime again from today. It has been 16 months indeed that I could not work because of illness. It is not that I stopped working totally. I had to look after my small company and the workers and had to manage the day to day happenings. However, I could not work regularly and consistently. As a result, my blogs have suffered a lot and my income is at its lowest point for the last 5 years. Thus, I have to work hard indeed.

This blog has helped me immensely to pass through the rough time. If you read the older entries then you will get an idea of my sufferings. There were many days that I was sitting beside my PC for whole night but could not write anything or could not sleep either. I am just happy that I can start working.

Now, I know my problem very well- dehydration. So, I have to drink water all the time and I will also drink some fruit juice.

Now, the blog has 43 followers. If any of you are reading this entry now, the only I like to request you is to take care of your body and mind. 

It has been a very tough Journey: I am back to my fulltime Work

At last, I have been able to come back to work. I still cannot work fulltime but it is much better than the last 16 months. For the last few days, I was very busy with writing a cover story for a magazine. It was a very difficult work and I hope to finish it today. Thus, indeed, I am going back to work by the end of this month. There is one day more and I hope to rest a lot tomorrow and start fresh in my career from 1 November 2010.

My health has improved significantly at last. From yesterday, I have totally stopped eating red chili powder in curry. This is indeed a radical change in me. I was too much fan of red chili powder. I could tolerate it in very high level and if the curry did not have enough of it then I would find it very difficult to eat.

It is still impossible for me to imagine mutton or chicken curry without red chili powder but then, I have totally stopped eating meat. So, my weight is not increasing and my health is not deteriorating either. 

Most probably, at last, I have realized my problem. I am suffering from dehydration. I am drinking a lot of fruit juice and water and I feel much better. This is a very odd problem and no doctor has been able to understand this matter until now. My wife has been suffering from the same problem. She could understand it and now, both of us feel much better.

In fact, today, I could work a lot and I felt very healthy. I have not felt this way healthy for at least 2 years. Today, I could finish the cover story for the magazine. It was 6,000 words long report and it was very difficult for me. However, this writing exercise has helped me a lot to come back to my work. Since it was for a magazine, I had to finish it before the deadline.

By the way, I am watching a Korean serial in Internet in the last few days. The name of the serial is Pure 19 and you can enjoy the episodes at free of cost here: http://www.dramacrazy.net/korean-drama/pure-19

The drama is in Korean language but there is English subtitle. If any of you have any time then give it a try. Just watch 10 episodes and I am sure you will like it enough to watch the rest of the series. 

So near yet so far

For three days, I suffered from a very nasty cold and hopefully, tomorrow, I will recover enough to start working. It became a sad thing for me because I was almost well enough to start working and then the cold destroyed everything.

My weight has reached to a stable condition and I am now moving around 95 KG. If I can just decrease another 5 KG then it will perhaps be enough to maintain a healthy life. My eating habit has radically changed. I am taking now much less oil and spice than compared to even 3 months ago. I am eating brown rice every day and it is very healthy.

It is one week of my wife’s coming and naturally, I was very busy. My hands and fingers have got a lot of rest as I could not get any opportunity in sit in my computer. My hands and finders feel fresh. This is a great blessing for me. For almost 9 years, I have been using computer every day and as a result, my fingers suffer a lot of discomfort. This break of one week has made them fresh again.

I still have 14 days to go back to fulltime writing. I am hopeful for it. Yesterday, a nice thing happened. A very popular blog from Hungary gave link to an entry of another blog of mine and as a result it brought 4,000 extra page views.

I have been able to remain optimistic because I have won in my war against obesity. I guess that going back to fulltime writing would happen very soon. 

Need a Tablet PC for my Writing Job

Today, I was supposed to work normally but when I woke up then I realized that I have caught a very nasty cold. As a result, it became impossible for me to sit in front of the computer and write. I was in bed for most of the time. I wish that iPad comes to my country soon and I can buy one. Apple’s iPad is too expensive for me but the Eee Pad of Asus should be a good bargain and it is supposed to come to the market on March 2011. Then, I can work even from my bed.

For the last 5 days, I could not write anything and that is why, my hands and fingers feel fresh today. This feeling is very good because my hands have become tired after typing for many years at a stretch.

I could never imagine that someday, I would not be able to write at all. The last 15 months have taught me that I must take care of my health or else, it will become impossible to write. There is a good news- the largest selling computer magazine in my country has published my article as their cover story for October 2010. As far as I know, it was the first in depth article about cloud computing in my country. I am making a comeback to freelance writing. The magazine has requested me to write something every month for them and I hope that I can do it.

There are still 18 days left for me to come back to fulltime writing. For October 2010, this is my goal. It is not that easy but I am trying my best.

Very near to back to fulltime Working

I am very happy now as my wife came back 2 days ago. I was supposed to start working fulltime from today but a bad thing happened. In our area, electricity went at 10 AM in the morning and it came after 8 PM at night. So, there was nothing to do for me. Well, I am hopeful that from tomorrow, I can start working fulltime. I am a freelance writer and blogger and that is why, writing is my only work.

My health has improved significantly. Today, I found that my weight was 95 Kilo Gram and I am slowly losing weight. Even my waist measurement has decreased by almost 5 inches (12.6 centimeters) in the last 3 and half months. I still need to lose 10 KG of weight and must become 6-7 inches slimmer in waist. I am very happy now as I am in the right track. This month, my main focus is to go back to fulltime working. I am hopeful for it now.

After the return of my wife, life is very sweet and pleasant and I am very optimistic that things will become much brighter for me within a short time. In the past, I used to think that I would stop updating this blog after I can go back to fulltime working. However, now, I feel that writing in this blog has helped me a lot to get back to normal life.

 Last year this time, I was really sick and my weight was 110 KG. I just finished a very painful teeth treatment in which the dentist did root canals with 7 teeth of mine. I became very sick and weak. I was suffering from obesity. Today, I feel very happy and I am hopeful that things will be very bright for me from now on.

Last year this time, in this blog, there were just 5-6 followers and now, this blog has 41 followers. This matter has brought a lot of happiness. I think that some people cared to read about my nagging about my bad condition. At times, I felt really ashamed that I was only writing about bad health. However, now, I understand that, writing in this blog has helped a lot to me to get rid of my mental stress. After all, I am not exactly a very extrovert person.

If you are suffering from physical or mental problems then may be blogging can help you a lot to get free of the stress.

By the way, if you have time then read this feature in Yahoo:

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/self/5-times-you-shouldnt-go-work

I like to thank all of you for reading my entries. 

Let it Be and have a Dream

It was a very tiring day because last night, I did not have enough sleep.  What happened was that this morning, I had to wake up to do something.  Anyway, tomorrow will be a better day.  For the last three or four days, I’m suffering too much from the matter of electricity.  For example, today there was no electricity for nearly 4 hours.  As a result, I could not have the peace in my mind to work.  Since my wife is coming within a short time, I can start working from next week.

Enjoy this song from Beatles:

 I have started to feel much better in my health.  Most probably, from next week, I will not have any problem to go back to my work.  It is very interesting to think that all the good things are happening almost at the same time.  Perhaps, life is like that because if you read the earlier entries of this blog you will surely notice that for the last one year, all the time I was complaining about my condition.  Even one month ago, my condition was not good to do any work.

Of course, I’m not still back to my work and I miss writing.  One good thing is that I have now positive mind set and it has come mainly because my health has been improving for the last three weeks.  I feel that I’m very close to getting back my health as well as my job.  Looking after health has become my first priority at last.  I was always very bad in it and I cannot blame anyone else but myself for neglecting my health all my life.  Well, I had experienced very abnormal condition for most part of my life.

I have experienced extreme poverty and suffering.  For many years, I suffered from malnourishment and underweight.  Then, I was under too much pressure and started working very hard.  Suddenly, I gained a lot of weight and started from obesity.  Then, I had to fight for decreasing weight and it has been a very bad kind of battle in which I had experienced more failure than that success.

There is now a lot of hope in everything.  Maybe, at last, good time is coming for me and this time, I’m mentally ready to it that the challenge.  I have realize the value and importance of positive  attitude. Of course, I am not in any way implying that positive attitude will solve anything or perform any miracle. However, when you are suffering in the worst way or you are trying to recover then having a dream will help you a lot. Because of having the dream to come back to fulltime writing, tolerating the tough days became easier for me.

If you do not have a dream then really, try to have one. This may give you a lot of comfort in times of trouble. 

Working for One Hour is not Impossible

This week, it is my time to work for 1 hour at least each day.  If I can work more than that then there is no problem but my minimum should be at least 1 hour.  I am finding it very difficult to come back to full time writing and that is why yesterday, I have made this decision that from now, I’m going to work 1 hour a day for one week.  Next week, my goal is to at least work two hours each day.  This way, I like to increase my working time to 8 hours after eight weeks.

All my life, one of the biggest problems has been to try too much and this has done a lot of harm to my career.  Of course, this is a part of growing up in life.  If you can learn from your mistakes then you can improve.  I’m happy that I have learned this matter that I should not go for any kind of extreme in anything.  If I go for any extreme then it will only destroy my health and my mind.

This time, I’m determined that I will slowly come back to my job.  The last one year has been very difficult for me but it has been a time of learning some valuable lessons that are now helping me.  I do not want to be in a hurry for something.  Instead, I want to move in life in a good way.  More than most people, I’m fond of it speed and I like to compete against myself to do something more quickly.  Slow and steady wins the race- this should be my motto from now.

After a few days, my wife is a coming and I’m eagerly waiting for her return.  It is very good to see that her health has recovered almost completely and my health is improving to the level that I do not feel that I’m sick anymore.  We have both tried a lot for our couple life and as a result, we both became sick almost at the same time.  Now, we’re very happy that we have almost got back our health.

For me, it was very difficult to change my eating habit and start some kind of physical activity regularly.  I have achieved tremendous success in both of them in the last one month.  Fortunately, my wife has very good eating habits and now, I can join her.  It is a very good and nice feeling that I’m out of the obesity level.  Obesity is a very big problem in the world today and the sad part is that very few people are conscious about the danger of this disease.

I have been able to stop eating outside food totally.  Fast food is a very dangerous thing but few people care about this matter.  Whenever I can find time, I try to read about health related issues in Internet.  In the past, I used to do a very bad thing of drinking too much coffee and Coke.  Thus, I used to get artificially fresh and used to work all night.

Planning is very Important for Blogging and Life

Yesterday, I said to myself that today would be the day in which I will start blogging again professionally. However, it has not been a good day so far. Of course, there is another problem for which I could not start working. From yesterday afternoon, I am doing a 45 hours water fasting. Today, I am not eating anything but just drinking 10-12 glasses of water. Water fasting gives my body a lot of comfort but it makes the body tired and exhausted. Still, I have started to like water fasting because it brings a lot of comfort to my body.

In fact, I have become so much fan of water fasting that even after I can lose weight enough, I will continue to do it for 48 hours every week or even just 24 hours in a week. Anyway, another important problem that I encountered today is the matter that when I sat down in my computer table, I had no idea what should I write. I did not make any plan last night. Thus, I felt that I was stuck in my mind and my mind was empty. If I had made plan then it would have been easier to start working today.

Blogging has a lot of flexibilities to offer. For example, I am now writing this entry. I surely cannot publish this kind of entry in a newspaper or a magazine but I can do so in a blog. Some readers will read this entry. Today, I have realized that I am near to getting back to fulltime blogging and freelance writing but I am still not there yet.

Now, I have no shortage of opportunities to work. I have at least 3 good blogs in which I can write about South Asia, Gadgets and Sports. If I can write quality content then Google brings good traffic, my entries get linked by other blogs and websites and some money come too. Last month, two magazines requested me to give them some articles. I also have got some opportunities to write research articles.  

Just ten years ago, the condition was totally opposite. I was struggling in every way. I could not earn enough money to pay my bills. I did not have enough opportunities to publish my articles. Often it happened that I wrote something and took to the newspapers or magazines but the editors did not like my writing. Well, this is a normal part of a writing career. It happens to almost every writer. Even after my writings got selected and published, I could not get the money in time for them. This was my life ten years ago in the year 2000.

I should be very happy that I have been able to run away from poverty and suffering. Actually, having a positive mindset is very important in life. So, today, I will not get frustrated for the matter that I could not start working. I have the full month of October to get back to fulltime blogging. Today is 3 October 2010 and I have another 28 days of the month.

I have to make a plan for tomorrow. One of the basic mistakes that I always make is that I set my target too high and I cannot achieve it most of the days. I should start with small goals. For example, today, I should try to just write one entry for South Asia Blog. Surely, writing one short entry is not impossible for me. This month, the main challenge for me is to fight against my mind and change my mindset. It has been many months that I do not work full time.

Therefore, it is impossible for me to suddenly start blogging for 8 hours a day. I should try to start with 1 hour a day and try to increase my time with blogging slowly. Last month, I got huge success with doing cycling following this method. I started with just 2 minutes of cycling and in one month, I could reach to 30 minutes per day.  I need to do the same thing to get back to working.

So, I’m going to work for 1 hour today for my blog.  Even if I cannot write any entry, I will still sit for 1 hour and try.  Gradually, I will increase the amount of hours each day and by the end of the month, I hope that I can work for 8 hours a day. Even if I can reach to 4 hours a day, I will be satisfied. Then, it will just take another one month to reach to 8 hours a day. I think that this is the good idea. Each week, I will add one hour of working and this way, within the next 8 days, I can reach to my target.  

October 2010: The Month of Getting Back to Fulltime Work

The month of October started from yesterday and this new month has brought a new challenge and new optimism in me.  In September, I had to fight for two things: changing eating habits and doing exercise.  I’m happy that I could get modest amount of success in both of them.  For example, yesterday there was chicken curry and today there was very tasty and spicy shrimp curry but I did not eat any of them. Secondly, I have been doing cycling for at least 20 minutes every day.  As a result, I have a started to feel fresh in my body.

This month, there is a new challenge and it is related to my work.  I want to come back to full time writing.  Fortunately, my wife is coming back from her parents’ home next week after more than 14 months.  This is a great news for me for various reasons not to mention that it will end of my loneliness.  Also, I will not need to chat with her by using my hands and fingers.  It will make my hands fresh again.  Thus, I’m hopeful of going back to fulltime work again.

It seems to me that everything is now becoming normal after nearly 1 ½ year.  Now, I’m not sad or frustrated about the long suffering because first of all I’m almost in a normal condition in every way.  On the other hand, I have learned many lessons that had helped me to become a happier person.  My income has decreased a lot but I know that if I can start working full time again it will not be a problem with the help of God.

When I look back to the last one year, I really thank god that I could survive one after another disaster.  I feel that I have become more matured and it is needed in life.  All of a sudden, I find myself in a happy state of mind despite the fact that my condition is far from ideal.  At least, I can find that I have a lot of mental peace compared to most people around me.  There is no doubt that I still have a lot of problems to overcome but I can confidently say that I’m very happy now.

My advice for you is that try to be happy in every condition.  I know that it is impossible because in this website, if you read my entries of the last one year then you will surely notice that I have all the time nagged a lot.  It is clear that I was not happy and was frustrated because my condition was extremely bad.  However, I have done one good thing and that has perhaps in the end saved me: the dream that someday I will again become normal.

Even if you cannot be happy because of the severity of your condition, still, have the dream.  Having a dream will not do any harm.

Change in Diet and Exercise and Fresh Optimism for Writing

The good news for me is that my sleeping time has become normal. I am sleeping in nights instead of days. As a result, I feel much better and fresh in both my mind and body. It seems to me that the suffering is indeed coming to an end. I am not still back my best but I am in much better condition now. At least, I can start writing with mental peace and without any stress.

Today, we uploaded a good article in South Asia Blog: Cloud Computing in Bangladesh: A Proposed Model

It was written by Mehdi Hassan and I. This is the kind of blog entries that I really wish to write every day and now, I am hopeful. Optimism has come in my heart because of my success with changing eating habit. Today, I ate brown rice, lentil, cucumber salad, red amaranth and mixed vegetable and bananas. There were very tasty spicy shrimp curry and chicken curry but I did not eat them. Believe me, it needs real will power to change eating habit. However, I have been able to do it.

I was also really bad when it came to doing any kind of physical exercise for the last 5 years. Even one month ago, I could not cycle for 2 minutes. For the last 10 days, I am cycling at home for 20-30 minutes every day. Today, I was even better and could do it for 45 minutes. Of course, I could not do it 35 minutes at a stretch and in fact, still, I cannot cycle more than 10 minutes continuously. It is not even a real cycle but a home exercise device. Anyway, it suits my needs very well.

I guess that anyone who reads this blog regularly gets bored because I have been repeating the same thing again and again. 

How the dream of becoming a Writer Helping me to fight for my Health?

 I am now in the midst of a water fast of 48 hours. I have spent 26 hours and still 22 hours are left. Well, I do not recommend anyone doing it as you will perhaps find that mainstream doctors are not very fond of water fasting. Anyway, I am doing it as I feel better each time I do it. In fact, for me, there is an added incentive. You see that I was totally spoilt when it came to eating habit. I was fond of all junk food items and goat meat and sweet were my favorite. Now, I am trying to go for mostly a vegetarian diet with some fish. Changing palate is really a nightmare for a person like me but water fasting helps a lot in this regard.

Of course, I am doing it for my health. However, I have added motivation. I want to be a good writer and in the last one year, I got some good offers in my city. However, I could not do any of them because of poor health. Even earlier this month, I made a plan and collected all the materials to write a research article on Nepal but could not do so for bad health. Also, my main blog, South Asia Blog, was nominated to become a media partner of a cloud computing event that would take place in November but bad health again stopped me from doing research on this field.

So, I am trying my best to change my eating habit and go to a strictly vegetarian diet that would make me healthy again.

Going to a vegetarian diet is very difficult for a person like me whose main food was goat meat, sweets, fast food etc. I have a very supportive and loving wife. I want to live long for her and I want to be in good shape. Then, I want to be a writer and want to write many cover stories, articles and books. With this hope, I am now trying with all my heart to change eating habit and improve my health. Well, the good part is that I feel optimistic because I have won in my battle against high cholesterol and I am hopeful that this time, I will become healthy and start full time writing again. 

My CFS: A Blog about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Before going to the blog My CFS, I never heard of the disease called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This blog has been started by Kitty who is a regular reader of this blog.

The url is: http://www.mycfs.me/

Kitty has just started the blog and there are not a lot of entries yet. However, by reading her first entry, I realized that this disease is not a very enjoyable one. In fact, it is a new disease and the cause of it is still unknown. All you know is that you are very tired. Perhaps, tired is a sweet word since if you are suffering from this disease then your only feeling will be exhaustion. You have to rest a lot but even rest will not bring any cure. In fact, until now, there is no cure. If you want to know more about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome then visit this link: http://www.cdc.gov/cfs/general/index.html

For the last one year, I suffered a lot of exhaustion and after I was diagnosed with high cholesterol 5 weeks ago, I started taking a statin medicine, changed my eating habit and did exercise regularly. Today, I found out that my cholesterol levels have come near to normal. However, today, I found out that my ESR in blood is extremely high and I may be suffering from another problem.

Anyway, I wish Kitty and everyone suffering from CFS all the best. It is a very tough disease to fight since no cure has been discovered yet. I hope that she can share her experience in her blog so that others can get mental strength.

After visiting Kitty’s and another blog called Learning to Live With CFS by Sue Jackson, I really considered myself lucky as whatever I suffered, I know about my problem and with good treatment, I can get back to my health. I really admire their mental strength. Hopefully, they will become better soon.   

Suffering is not bad if it Can bring Happiness in the END

I know very well that in the last one year, many of you have become bored with reading my entries in which all the time I complained about my health. It is true that I have suffered extremely in the last fifteen months. I could hardly do any work regularly and as a result my income suffered. Of course, there was economic recession in USA and it also hurt me a lot. Not only I became sick physically, I suffered a lot emotionally and I suffered a lot of stress. Fortunately, things are becoming better for me. My health is really much much better compared to one year ago. I do not have emotional stress and I’m hopeful that my income will also increase because economic recession has finished in USA.

Today, I was thinking about the suffering of last fifteen months and I thanked god because it has almost ended. What I did not perhaps tell you that in the entire time of fourteen months, I had to live alone without my wife because my wife became very sick and she went to her parents’ home in another country. I met my wife in Internet and we’re from two different countries. So, I also suffered loneliness and it made my life more miserable. My wife is coming to me in the next one month and this news has brought a lot of happiness in my mind.

I’m not unhappy or frustrated about the sufferings of last fifteen months because today I have realized that although I suffered a lot, I have become a wiser man. I have learned to give more value to the sweet sides of life. I have become indeed a happier person. I have learned a lot from my mistakes of the past and the last fifteen months gave me the time to think and contemplate about myself.

Therefore, I have learned that suffering is not bad if it can teach you some lessons. Of course you must have the attitude to learn from your suffering. The main lesson that I have learned is that I must not become impatient or extreme about anything and especially about my job. My biggest mistake was that I always had a very hungry heart about writing and I wanted to move ahead very first. This destroyed my health and mind both. It also put a lot of pressure on my wife despite the fact that I was a very good husband. In fact, I know that I’m a better husband than most men but only this mistake caused a lot of harm to both of us.

I’m happy that I have learned this lesson and now, I’m trying to increase the speed of my life. Now, both my wife and I do not suffer from any stress. Normally, I do not like to talk about my personal life in details but here I am sharing my experience with you because I have noticed that many people do the same mistake like me. Life is not Like 100m race that you must run very fast. Try to think life like a marathon race where you must conserve your energy to last for a long time. This is in fact the most important lesson I have learned and although my health has become better, I’m not rushing to work but I’m waiting that my health improves fully.

Thus, in the end I’m even happy for my suffering because it has brought happiness for me. Just one year ago, it was impossible for me to tolerate the suffering and find anything good about it. However, now when I take a look at the suffering of the last fifteen months, I think of God because I have got real blessing from God. Even if you do not believe in God still try to think about your own mistakes of the past. When suffering comes, then, think of the mistakes more and only then you can find happiness. To be honest with you, last month or August, 2010 and this month or September, 2010 are becoming the worst months in terms of earning money. I think that I had such bad income five years ago and in the last five years I never had this kind small amount of income. However, I have noticed that these two bad months are the happiest time of my life. It is a very happy time for me because I have improved a lot every way.

What about you? Why don’t you share your experience in the comment section?

Difference Between Strong Will Power and Trying Too Much

Right now, I am passing 36^th hour of another water fasting. In other words, in the last 36 hours, I have not eaten anything except drinking water. It is very tough but I have hardly any choice. I have to decrease my weight and change my eating habit. Both of them are very difficult. It surely needs a lot of will power to do water fasting. You lose your energy to work. However, I have to use all my mental strength.

I am planning to continue my fast for another 4-5 hours or and break my fast when 40-42 hours pass. I also feel some kind of temptation in my heart to continue the water fast for another 24 hours but I know that if I do that then I will become sick. Thus, if I try too much then I will become very hungry and then I will be forced to eat a lot and gain back the weights that I am losing.

After many months, I could finally manage to start exercising and I am doing some cycling everyday. Yesterday, I could cycle for 30 minutes but today because of water fasting, I could just do for 5 minutes. Today, I again felt the urge that I should do at least 20 minutes of cycling but I know that when you are in water fast then you should not do any intensive exercise.

One of my biggest problems is that most of the time, I cannot understand the difference between will power and doing extreme. So, I do extreme and when you do extreme for anything then your body and mind both suffer a lot of pressure and you become abnormal and weak.

In writing and blogging, I have the same problem. When I feel some good then I forget resting and just push myself to any kind of extreme. As a result, for last one year, I could not do anything except whining all the time that I am sick. Even when I was very sick, I tried to push myself and write. I used to give live scores and updates of soccer and cricket matches despite the fact that they did not give me decent money. When you are healthy then it is no problem but when you are sick then you are sick.

Because of neglecting this simple rule in life, I have suffered a lot in my writing career at the peak time. Even 5 years ago, publishing an article was a difficult thing for me in the newspapers and magazines. Even more difficult was getting the money in time for my published articles. So, I had to do more ghost writing as it was bringing at least the money in time.

Now, publishing my writings in some magazines is not difficult although getting money in time from my published articles is still a difficult thing as I live in a third world country. One of the foolish things that I was doing was trying to maintain a blog network. Thus, I could not focus on any particular blog. This was another extreme thing I did.

I have learnt some valuable lessons at last and I am going to try to make the best use of my life from now. I am going to totally focus on blogging this time and on a single blog. 

Writing this entry while doing Water Fasting

I really wish to write regularly for this Blog. It was not exactly my first Blog, but my second and when I started it with a lot of emotion. My main goal was to write about the literature of my country and my language and I started it in a good way but at that time I was under too much stress about money. One of the main reasons of opening this Blog was to make a profile for myself so that I could get a job related to freelance writing or Blogging in internet. This Blog did its work and it helped me to get a paying job at Know More Media. When I applied for a Blogging job in a Blog network, I showed it as my profile in order to convince a Blog network that I had idea about the field.

Anyway after I got the job then I was forced to forget this Blog and although it is four and half years old it does not have even 300 entries. I am happy that I have started to post entries regularly. At least in the last seven days I am regular. I am happy to inform all my readers for this Blog that at last I found a very good way and I am hopeful now. Actually a few days ago, I decided that I will Blog only in one Blog for earning money and forget everything else.

I still have this attitude but I really have fallen in love with this literature Blog because of the encouraging comments that I received every week. In this age, most people perhaps do not care for literature or writing. They are more concerned with entertainment. It is natural and I have nothing against it. But I also know that I am among those few people who value literature very highly. I am fond of writing and I wish that people learn to give more value to writing and more and more people join Internet specially Blogging.

Today, I was thinking about the things that I could teach. I can teach English literature and language as I studied it, but I guess that in Internet most people are not interested because especially in this Blog most of my readers already know about English. Otherwise, they would not visit this Blog regularly. Still, it is not matter of teaching but I really like to share my ideas and thoughts about different novels and dramas. I hope that from now on, I will start doing it. In the past, one of the problems that I faced when I wrote anything about say “Pride and Prejudice” or “The Merchant of Venice”, the first idea that came to me was whether people will read them.

Now, I do not think about this matter because I have understood that some people will surely read. Secondly, I do not have any goal to earn money from this Blog. Even I do not have any dream to become famous with this Blog. So, I can easily write my ideas about different novels and dramas of English literature.

I really now do not care what others will say because if I start to care then it will be impossible to post regularly in this Blog. So, I need some help from all of you. I can see that this Blog has 35 followers and whenever I upload an entry you receive them easily. This Blog has also 145 or 150 Feedburner subscribers. If all of you can at least post a comment once a week then it becomes much easier for me to write. Matter is that when we write something and then there is no response then naturally motivation decreases.

Well, I have to understand that people are busy just like me. They surely do not have time and I have to try my best to put content and only then people will be motivated to write comment. So, if you feel that my content can make you think about something then try to come back and write a comment and share your opinion. 

Bringing Benefit and Food for Thoughts for the Readers

Earlier today, I wrote a long entry in South Asia Blog titled, Starting a Business with $10,000: What to Do?. What happened is that a reader emailed me and wanted to get my advice about opening a business with that amount of money. It was an around 900 word long entry and writing it brought some satisfaction. I know that this would not bring a lot of visitors but I got a lot of happiness from writing it. I got happy because I felt that I was writing well and I was giving good advice. Even if it is read by just 100 persons from South Asia, I am sure that there is something to think about for all of them.

What made me happy was the idea that I could write in a way that would surely touch the mind of some readers. I wanted to be a writer only for this reason- to touch the heart and mind of people. Of course, I admit that I could not do it well because most of the time I have to think of earning money rather than touching the heart of the readers. Still, I know very well that I have this dream in my heart and I always wanted to do it.

For the last 10 years, most of the time, I had to write for earning money and often it was like some kind of infomercial which surely brought some money for me but most of the time it took away my mental peace. Of course, you cannot be always ideal and upto to some stage in life, you have to struggle a lot and take whatever comes in your way.

When I get sad then I think of Charles Dickens who started his career in a warehouse. He had to do physical labor for 10 hours a day when he was a child. At the age of 15, he worked as a clerk in a law office and then most probably, at the age of 16, he became a freelance reporter. He could publish his first novel at the age of 21 and the reality was that all the time, he was trying to earn some money by selling his writing.

Compared to Dickens, I am a very lucky man indeed. There is still the rush for going after money in me but at the same time, my skill as a writer has improved a lot. At least, I have become much faster. I can write many more words in a day compared to a year or two. I also touch that I have become sharper. This is natural. When you are doing something day after day then you become faster, sharper and better in doing it.

Thus, I can make a balance at last. I can think of going after quality writing while at the same earning money. I am not talking about infomercial type of writing. I am talking about touching with heart of the people with whatever I write. I am talking about writing for helping others even if it is about technology or banking. I am talking about writing with a lot of care so that the entries I write can bring some kind of benefit or interest among readers. They just do not arrive to my blogs randomly from search engine results. Instead, when they arrive, they find something useful and some food for thought.

Thus, two ideas have come to my mind. My writing should bring some kind of benefit for the readers. For example, suppose a reader is searching information about something, say, for example about ten very good English novels to read. He or she finds the information in this blog: Ten Novels of English Literature that I enjoy a Lot

This list can save them some time and if they get happy from reading the novels that I suggested then surely there is some benefit and entertainment both.

When I was a teacher, my main focus was how to make my lectures interesting to the students. I wish that I could get the same skill as a writer or blogger. As a writer, I find that my tone is a bit serious and it really lacks humor. May be the main reason is that English is not my mother tongue and I do not have good skill in this language.

The second idea is that even if my entries do not bring any benefit but they make the reader interested about the topic and the reader thinks about it.

So, from now, I will try to remember these two things when I write. It is now 5 AM and again I am suffering from insomnia. Well, I am not that much concerned about it now because I have found my mental peace at last. This is the most important thing. 

Do you read what you Write?

Today, I was thinking about this question? I read my favorite short stories and novels a lot and often. I watch my favorite movies and TV serials often. I listen to the songs that I like often. Do I read my writings often? Have I written anything significant that I am tempted to write over and again?

I have to admit that I do not read my own writings that much. Well, there are some exceptions. I wrote a novel 13 years ago and I have been reading it for the last 13 years. Except it, I have not read anything written by me many times.

One interesting thing is that when I go to sleep every night, I think of a short story or a novel. I imagine the story, the characters, the settings, the places and the events. I just don’t write them as I really have no scope to sell short stories or novels at this moment. Instead, I do blogging as it pays my bills.

My dream is that when I will be free of stress about money then I will start writing these short stories and novels that I have in my mind for so many years. In other words, I am just waiting to save some money and be financially well off.  

So, to answer my original question: no, I do not read my own writings much but I imagine a lot about the stores and novels that I would love to write. Internet has brought hope for me.  

Fate and Destiny: Do you Believe?

It has been a very tough one week for me. This is the time of the largest festival and everything is closed. I am all alone in my home. I cannot cook and I am suffering from cholesterol. So, it was double loneliness, suffering and pain for me. I made a plan that I would write a research based article on Nepal during the holidays. I could not do it.

It was supposed to be an article of 3000-4000 word long. I did make the outline and I know what should be written. However, I could not even start it because of the miserable condition I have been passing for the last 5-6 days. It created double frustration in me. My tragedy now is that I know what I should do and how I should do but I cannot do it because of bad health.

Today, in YouTube, I watched the movie Love Story. Eric Segal was really one of the best writers of the last 50 years. I like his another book more- Prizes.

In the last few days, I have been watching movies and TV serials that I used to like in the past. Since I started blogging, I forgot about my favorite novels, songs and movies.

Sometimes, I wish that my life was much less complicated but then this is me and my life. I have hardly any belief about fate but may be it is my destiny to first suffer a lot and then enjoy. I feel that I am very near to finish the sufferings and pains.

If you are reading this entry then why not share your pains below in the comment section. 

Happiness and Sorrow: Life has Both

When I look around then I often feel that I am much happier than most people around me. It was a very shaking experience for me last night as I experienced the strongest earthquake in my life. Well, it was I think a 4.6 magnitude earthquake but since, it originated just 75 kilometers from my home, I really became scared. Although I am not a very religious man, I remembered God at that time.

After the earthquake, I realized that in life, we often destroy our peace on small and trivial things. Obviously, I have this disease and I know that most people I have seen in my life have the problem. Thus, we do not need an earthquake to destroy our peace. We have already destroyed our mental peace with small matters.

I do not want to criticize anyone here. I am stating my idea and the experience with this earthquake have helped me to change my attitude. From now, I will try not to bother about little things in life. Of course, it is impossible to change this habit but I will try my best about it.

I am not in any way suggesting that you should not be sad when a sad thing happens. Of course, we cannot control ourselves. What I am suggesting is that try to make a list of the small things that make you sad too much and try to come out of them.

Until the age of 20, I was a big fan of sports and especially football (soccer). When my favorite team failed, it gave a lot of pain to me. I know that there is no shortage of people who have this kind of feeling about sports. Well, at the age of 20, I realized that it was useless to stop eating or talking for a game. After all, it is just a game and it will come back every season every year.

Thanks everyone for reading and following this blog. Today, I noticed that this blog has 33 followers now. This gave me a lot of happiness and from now, I will try to be regular in updating it. 

A Walk To Remember, Love and Couple Life

No, I am not going to write any review of the movie A Walk To Remember. If you have not seen it then I strongly recommend that you do it as soon as possible. Good thing is that someone has uploaded all the parts in YouTube and tonight, I watched all the 10 parts. It was a small budget movie made with $11.8 million of budget and it earned more than $47 million in the box office. Thus, in any way, it was not a blockbuster movie.

Still, A Walk to Remember touched my heart very deeply. One of the songs of the movie called Only Hope has been viewed more than 18 million times in YouTube. I am adding the song here:

 Anyway, the movie touched me a lot because it has a touching story. I was thinking that in literature and in movies, we see the most romantic and touching depictions of love and marriage. Still, most writers, artists and actors have perhaps disastrous marriages. They get married easily and they get divorced easily too. It is indeed a mystery to me that while they inspire us so much and touch our heart with so touching stories then why they cannot follow their own words in their life.

Of course, there are some exceptions and my favorite couple is Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I am speechless when I read about their life.

If you have time, please read this sonnet of Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

I am sure that most of you have read this poem but still read it again if you have time.

I really hope and more and more writers have more success in marriage and couple life. After all, they are the people who remind us all the time that without love, without happiness in marriage, there is little value to life.

In the end, if possible read this short story: Living in Love

I wish all of you to have a happy life.